This Is Not An Illusion
by Is-there-somewhere-x
Summary: The department are struggling to cope with the new rotas and Connie doesn't seem to be taking much notice of this. Meanwhile, Rita is detetmined to make her voice heard. But will a shocking discovery change the way things are going? Or will it be the same?
1. Chapter 1

**Thought it would be a nice idea to try out a Rita fic. I'm hoping to include a lot of Connie and Rita (or Rinnie/Freechamp/whatever you like to call them) because they are amazing together. **

**Enjoy :D **

It was the end of yet another long shift for Rita. The last few days had been exhausting.

What had she been thinking? Going out all night on Friday, hanging around with that guy... Having to go into work on Saturday with one hell of a hangover. Connie was not impressed but could not afford to send her home on such a busy day.

Today had been particularly busy as well, and she felt as if she hadn't stopped all day. It was lucky she had a day off tomorrow.

Rita took a final sip from her coffee before throwing it away and calling a taxi to take her home. She knew all too well from Lily's experiences last weekend that driving when this tired was not a good idea. She had been drinking coffee by the bucket but she knew it still wasn't worth the risk.

By the time the taxi reached her house, Rita was feeling quite nauseous. This is just what I need right now, she thought to herself, before making her way inside. She decided to go straight to bed, despite knowing it would not be easy to get to sleep with all that caffeine in her system.

Before Rita could take a step up the stairs, the nausea overwhelmed her. She ran to the bathroom and threw up several times.

She sighed before getting herself a glass of water. What was wrong now?

A thought suddenly popped into her head. Friday night with that man. She met him at the bar, got a bit carried away and they ended up in bed together. She hadn't had time to think about it, besides, the memories were hazy as a result of the drinking.

Rita had to check. She found the drawer where she kept a couple of pregnancy tests. She sighed before taking it out of the packaging. These next few minutes could change everything.


	2. Chapter 2

**Here is the next chapter **

**Trying to update as much as possible, especially this weekend, with the lack of Casualty :(( **

**Enjoy :) **

It had been a week since Rita took the pregnancy test, and the results had been negative - she was not pregnant. She was relieved, although she had felt as if something was still not quite right. Her period was late, and she had been feeling even more nauseous. The voice inside her head was telling her to take the test again. After all, the results were not always accurate the first time round.

She couldn't afford to be unsure about something like this.

So yet again, she unboxed the test, read the instructions carefully and did as they said.

She waited until the results were ready. She took a deep breath before picking up the test.

2 solid lines showed on the screen.

Rita put her head in her hands. She had to take the test again, there was still a chance the results weren't accurate.

*Minutes later*

2 lines again. There really was no denying it.

Rita was pregnant.

How could she have been so careless? Why did this happen to her? What had she been thinking? The questions were rushing around in her head, but the one which scared her the most: What would everyone at work say?

Especially once they found out she didn't even know who the father.

She imagined their individual reactions, the shock, the disbelief.

She could only hope some of her colleagues would be sympathetic, but she knew there would be disapproval from some. Especially Connie.

Rita suddenly felt quite alone. Was there anyone she could confide in? Usually the news would be kept between a happy couple. But there was no happy couple here. In fact, there was no couple at all.

Her phone lit up from the other side of the bathroom, and started to buzz.

Speak of the devil, (literally, she thought) it was Connie. What could she possibly want now?

Without her realising, Rita's hands began to shake as soon as she saw Connie's name. That woman made her so angry, and she knew the feeling was mutual.

Why am I always attracted to the ones that hate me the most, she thought.

Rita took a deep breath before answering the phone.

'Connie...'

'Rita, I'm just calling to let you know you will be needed in the ED tomorrow after all,'

'But I thought I had a day off?'

'Well I'm afraid we are somewhat understaffed as there is a big meeting taking place tomorrow and we can't afford to have even more staff absent with everything going on at the moment,'

Rita was beyond irritated. She hated last minute things like this. She had been hoping that she wouldn't have to face her colleagues tomorrow. Of course, she wasn't going to tell everyone at once, but she knew she couldn't keep this to herself. It was far too big of a secret. Who could she trust the most?

Suddenly, a thought popped into her head.

'What would you do if I told you I was sick?'

It's not exactly a lie, she thought.

'Unless you are physically unable to get out of bed and stand on your own two feet, I will be expecting to see you bright and early tomorrow morning,'

'I really am quite unwell, I wouldn't want to start spreading anything around the hospital,' Rita replied, before "coughing" into the speaker.

She knew Connie had probably heard every excuse in the book, but surely it was worth a try?

'I doubt your condition is so terrible that you couldn't make it in. I might be able to let you go a bit earlier if things aren't too busy,"

"Fine then," Rita grumbled, not wanting Connie to have any other reasons to resent her


	3. Chapter 3

**hi everyone :) thanks for the reviews, they are lovely to read. This chapter is a bit shorter than the previous one as it is a bit of a filler. More soon... x **

**Rita tossed and turned in bed all night, having been sick a few more times. She felt awful, both mentally and physically. It was 2am, she had hoped to be asleep by now, but it just wasn't possible. She didn't like keeping secrets, especially big ones, and this was a huge secret. It hadn't been very long but already it was eating her alive. She absolutely had to tell someone. **

**It had to be someone who wasn't going to be judgmental - that rules out Connie, and probably Lily too. It had to be someone who could keep a secret - so not anyone like Robyn, or Max. They have good intentions but don't really know when to keep their mouths shut. **

**She scrolled through the contacts on her phone, unable to find anyone suitable. Too nice, too mean, too awkward. This was turning into an impossible task! **

**Just as she was about to give up, she came across a name. **

**Dixie. **

**Dixie was someone she could trust, someone who wouldn't judge her, and someone who she hoped could keep a secret. She sighed heavily. This wasn't going to be much fun.**

**Rita typed a quick message which read:**

**"You at work tomorrow? I really need to tell you something..."**

**To her surprise, Dixie came back within a few minutes. What was she doing up at this time? **

**The message read:**

**"Sure love, what's up?" **

**Rita replied saying that it could wait until tomorrow, before putting her phone down.**

**She was dreading the thought of going in to work tomorrow, feeling run down to say the least, not forgetting the added pressure of this huge secret. **

**What would the next day hold...?**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hi everyone, sorry for the wait but I had a lot of revision to do :( **

**Anyway, here is the next chapter, which contains Dixie's reaction. **

**Enjoy :) x **

6:00 AM. Rita woke with a start at the sound of her alarm. She rolled over and pressed the snooze button, which probably wasn't the best thing to do considering how tired she was. Her eyelids began to droop, but she forced them open again. She had to be at work by 7am, and couldn't afford to waste any more time.

She dragged herself into the bathroom to have a shower before getting dressed and applying a little makeup, taking care to cover the dark circles under her eyes from the lack of sleep last night. She glanced at the clock. 6:50. Now she would be late, and it was certain that Connie would not be at all impressed.

Rita slipped into the hospital, only 5 minutes late. She was hoping to avoid Connie for as long as possible, although she knew it would not be that easy. The woman stalked the corridors frequently, it was as if she always had someone she was hunting down, which was probably true.

Just a few moments later, the terrifying sound of Connie's heels filled the corridor. Rita tried to slip out of the way but it was too late, she had been spotted.

"Sister Freeman, I'm glad to see you made the effort to come in! Your condition couldn't have been too bad then?" Connie said with a smirk.

Rita rolled her eyes. It was just another meaningless comment. Having said that, it was still irritating.

"So.. Who's missing then?"

"Dr Hanna, Dr Keogh and Tess,"

"Is that all?!"

"Yes! Why, did you expect an invitation as well?"

"No.. I just don't see why you need me here, we seem to be coping fine. I mean, look at the place, there's hardly anyone here!"

"I don't see any harm in having a few extra staff to help out, do you?"

"Well, there won't be any staff left if you keep overworking them like this,"

With that, Rita walked away. She couldn't keep letting Connie get to her like this, but it was proving to be quite difficult.

****2 Hours Later****

Now was the time to talk to Dixie. Rita found her with a cup of tea in the staff room.

"Dixie..."

"Hello love... You needed to tell me something didn't you?" She said, remembering their conversation last night.

"Yes," Rita paused before continuing. This was it.

"Go on then, I can't handle the suspense,"

"I'm.. I'm pregnant,"

At first Dixie looked shocked.

She had been sure, ever since they shared a kiss that night in the club that Rita liked girls, but she didn't know for certain. This must mean her suspicions had been wrong. However, it was great news.

But then she noticed the look on Rita's face, and immediately become quite concerned.

Did she not want children after all?

"What's wrong, love? This is great, isn't it?"

Rita shook her head as the tears began to flow, suddenly overcome with emotion.

Dixie was confused at this point. Why was she crying? She didn't want to press Rita for answers as this was obviously a sensitive subject, but she didn't know how she could be as supportive as she wanted to without all the information.

Normally, Rita wouldn't have wanted to continue, but if she wanted Dixie's full support, she knew she had to.

"I-I can hardly remember it. I'd had quite a few drinks, I met this guy, and somehow we just ended up in the bedroom. And this is the result!" Rita said, gesturing to her stomach, which was still flat.

She was mostly angry at herself for being so reckless, but also ashamed. She knew this would result in a lot of judgment from a lot of people.

"Oh Rita...what am I gonna do with you?" Dixie said before coming over and putting her arm around Rita.

This was obviously hard for her, and she didn't want to make it any worse. She was worried, knowing the consequences of not using protection, not being safe.

Rita felt considerably better after telling Dixie. It felt good to have some support, she felt less alone. She knew she had made the right decision.

But would she regret that decision later on?


	5. Chapter 5

**Here is the next chapter - hopefully I will be able to update again soon. :) x **

The following weeks were even more tiring for the team. Relentless meetings, conferences, tricky cases, unpleasant patients and more. It had been especially hard on Rita. She tried desperately to hold everyone together, but it was becoming harder and harder each day. She could see things slowly falling apart. She'd been sent home many times, from being sick, and sometimes just from being exhausted. Connie was no help at all, ignoring Rita and her complaints. She was beginning to wonder if they would ever be able to see eye-to-eye.

Adding to her troubles was the pregnancy. Her bump was starting to grow. She worried that rumours would start to spread as it became more visible.

The only person who made it easier was Dixie, who checked up on Rita frequently, always there if she wanted anything at all. It was great to have someone looking out for her.

Just after Dixie had given Rita a cup of tea in the staff room, Charlie came in, informing them that Connie wanted to talk to everyone. Rita sighed, she had obviously found something else to complain about.

"Can I have everyone's attention please?" Connie shouted.

Silence fell. Judging from the tone of her voice whatever she had to say was not good news.

"I'm sure you can all remember how much of a disaster February's inspection was. It certainly wasn't our finest hour. Luckily, Mr Self assured the trust that it was a one-off, us coping with staffing issues. Unfortunately, the trust were not convinced and have ordered a follow up inspection which is going to be taking place next week,"

This was just about the worst news possible, and everyone knew it.

"It is vital you all show up on the day. I don't care if you are so unwell that you can't stand up, you will be present, or all of you will suffer the consequences. I hope you know just how important this is," Connie continued, shooting an icy glare at Rita and Cal in particular.

She had not forgotten Cal's antics on the last inspection, or the times Rita had been sent home as a result of some sort of 'illness'.

"Well, don't just stand around! If I remember correctly, this is a hospital, and there are patients to treat,"

Connie said turning around and striding away down the corridor,without answering the many questions posed by her team.

Rita was quite possibly the most irritated member of staff at this news. Another inspection was not what was needed just now. They needed a few weeks to get back on their feet after everything they had been through in the last few months. She couldn't see how it would be of any use.

She decided now was the time to give Connie a piece of her mind. Rita was acting on impulse, but she knew if she didn't say anything, no one would, and then nothing would ever be done.

She knocked on the door of Connie's office. Suddenly she began to doubt if this was such a good idea after all. She knew they would just start shouting at each other and Connie would make her life even more miserable. However, it was too late, as Connie looked up from whatever she was typing on her computer. It was clear she was unimpressed at the sight of Rita.

"Come in," she said with a sigh.

Rita walked in as calmly as she could, before letting her anger take over, slamming the door shut behind her.

"Another inspection? Do you honestly think this is a good idea?"

"It was out of my hands, neither Guy Self or I could find a way to get around it,"

"Could he have tried a bit harder? Could you have tried a bit harder? Because from where I'm standing, it looks like you, or him for that matter, don't give a damn about the whole situation, or how this will affect the department,"

"It is my priority to improve this department, to make it the best it can possibly be. I have had enough of you coming in here, accusing me of these things! I'd like to see what happened if you were in my position - how would you cope? What would you do? You wouldn't be able to keep being sent home early because of - what was it? A headache? You'd be absolutely terrible! I still can't believe you managed to get this far, with your impulsive and reckless nature,"

Connie's words were like a sharp knife in Rita's heart, each one cutting deeper and deeper. Just now, it felt as if the knife had been twisted, and Rita couldn't bear it anymore. She ran out of the office, wiping her eyes as she went.

Would Connie ever realise what she was doing to Rita?


End file.
